I love this reflection of yours. Everyone is different, with their own thresholds, desires, and histories. A word, an act, or a dynamic can land so differently depending on lived experience, desire, context, and who is holding the power. What feels degrading to one person might feel freeing, intimate, or deeply erotic to someone else, while another person may need surrender without that particular kind of verbal wound. 🖤✨
this is a beautiful, deep reflection and i love all the different pieces you bring into it. random people presuming they have the right to call you those names just because you're a submissive online without your explicit consent has nothing to do with bdsm--it's just misogyny and disrespect wearing kink's clothing. the only piece that i would add is that it can be a profound reclamation and ownership of our shadow selves, to retrieve a part of yourself that society said was shameful and the only way to do that is to go directly through the shame itself. in this way you alchemise something disempowering into the very source of your power and liberation. ❤️🔥✨
So interesting! I actually grew up in a society where submitting as a woman, especially to a male dominant, was much more “forbidden” and taboo than being slutty or a prostitute. The shame (for me) is much more profound in surrendering power to another than in obtaining a label.
I should also have mentioned that I did not grow up speaking English and my trauma is not so much about these specific terms but the usage of misogyny to hurt me on purpose. I think this is still the root cause of my dislike for degradation. Perhaps I’ll grow out of it at some point.
this makes so much sense, and you absolutely know best what’s best for you. you may never decide that degradation has anything for you, or there may come a time where it’s something you want to consciously work with in a super trusted environment, both are perfect and beautiful 🖤
As much as I absolutely savor your fiction works, I equally appreciate your scientific/definitional research essays.
An insightful, nuanced article that seamlessly blends the objective with the personal. You have a real knack for giving us just enough of yourself, without having it dominate the topic and the larger scope.
I’m so delighted to have read this, you clarified something I couldn’t quite pinpoint—behavioral shame. Being the “owned” role in D/s relationships connotes a shameful state, but I find the stepping into it through a specific action makes the shame feel…earned. It’s the challenge more than anything, the thrill of stripping layers as the scenes play out and thus more rewarding to be seen in the shame.
I’m so happy my words could bring some clarity, despite my writing being a bit of a mess, lol. It has taken me ages to realise (and admit) that I love a certain type of feeling of shame and where it stems from, and I think I’m only at the beginning of understanding all these mysterious desires. Live and learn 😘
Thanks! I've been sick all week while piecing this together, and I think I would rewrite a few parts if my thoughts would run smoothly, but my brain fog is real and ongoing, so it is what it is.
Hi again. I am rereading what you put together. So illuminating and arousing. I don’t practice BDSM but reading about it turns me on to no end. It doesn’t make sense from afar but it is very seductive. Much thanks
I love this reflection of yours. Everyone is different, with their own thresholds, desires, and histories. A word, an act, or a dynamic can land so differently depending on lived experience, desire, context, and who is holding the power. What feels degrading to one person might feel freeing, intimate, or deeply erotic to someone else, while another person may need surrender without that particular kind of verbal wound. 🖤✨
Thank you for articulating it so beautifully, Melvina ❤️
this is a beautiful, deep reflection and i love all the different pieces you bring into it. random people presuming they have the right to call you those names just because you're a submissive online without your explicit consent has nothing to do with bdsm--it's just misogyny and disrespect wearing kink's clothing. the only piece that i would add is that it can be a profound reclamation and ownership of our shadow selves, to retrieve a part of yourself that society said was shameful and the only way to do that is to go directly through the shame itself. in this way you alchemise something disempowering into the very source of your power and liberation. ❤️🔥✨
So interesting! I actually grew up in a society where submitting as a woman, especially to a male dominant, was much more “forbidden” and taboo than being slutty or a prostitute. The shame (for me) is much more profound in surrendering power to another than in obtaining a label.
I should also have mentioned that I did not grow up speaking English and my trauma is not so much about these specific terms but the usage of misogyny to hurt me on purpose. I think this is still the root cause of my dislike for degradation. Perhaps I’ll grow out of it at some point.
this makes so much sense, and you absolutely know best what’s best for you. you may never decide that degradation has anything for you, or there may come a time where it’s something you want to consciously work with in a super trusted environment, both are perfect and beautiful 🖤
As much as I absolutely savor your fiction works, I equally appreciate your scientific/definitional research essays.
An insightful, nuanced article that seamlessly blends the objective with the personal. You have a real knack for giving us just enough of yourself, without having it dominate the topic and the larger scope.
Really well laid out and delivered.
Thank you dearly, Norseman. I think the researcher in me has a praise kink ❤️
😊😊
I’m so delighted to have read this, you clarified something I couldn’t quite pinpoint—behavioral shame. Being the “owned” role in D/s relationships connotes a shameful state, but I find the stepping into it through a specific action makes the shame feel…earned. It’s the challenge more than anything, the thrill of stripping layers as the scenes play out and thus more rewarding to be seen in the shame.
I’m so happy my words could bring some clarity, despite my writing being a bit of a mess, lol. It has taken me ages to realise (and admit) that I love a certain type of feeling of shame and where it stems from, and I think I’m only at the beginning of understanding all these mysterious desires. Live and learn 😘
Not at all, it’s perfectly coherent! I’m excited to read more of your essays xx
Thanks! I've been sick all week while piecing this together, and I think I would rewrite a few parts if my thoughts would run smoothly, but my brain fog is real and ongoing, so it is what it is.
What a sensational and scintillating piece of writing. What an education that you share. Your self-understanding is a beautiful thing.
Thank you, Howard K! Now I know what scintillating means ✨
Hi again. I am rereading what you put together. So illuminating and arousing. I don’t practice BDSM but reading about it turns me on to no end. It doesn’t make sense from afar but it is very seductive. Much thanks
My pleasure, Howard. I’m most intrigued by “doesn’t make sense from afar”. Do elaborate.
OK, in the midst of reading it, feels good. But I feel guilty sometimes.
Also, I can lose myself in it for hours
It fills me with pleasure
Too much info??
Spouse is not interested in bdsm
Most welcome:)))))))))))))